What is Sexuality
Sexuality describes how you express yourself in a sexual way. Part of your sexuality is your sexual orientation, which refers to who you’re attracted to, want to have sex with and fall in love with. It’s as simple – and as complex – as that.
No one really knows what influences our sexuality but every single one of us has a sexual orientation and who we are attracted to is not something we’re in control of or can choose.
Some people fancy the same gender as them (and are commonly described as gay or homosexual), some people fancy the opposite gender to them (heterosexual), some people fancy all genders (pansexual), some people don’t fancy anyone (asexual)! Sexuality is as diverse as people are.
Here are some terms you may have heard of, and what they mean:
Heterosexual: Women who only fancies men, or a man who only fancies women is called heterosexual.
Homosexual (gay/lesbian): People who are homosexual are attracted to the same sex (men fancy men and women fancy women). Homosexual men are often called gay and homosexual women are often called lesbians but can also be called gay.
Bisexual or bi: People who are bisexual are attracted to both men and women
Pansexual: Pansexual people are people attracted to people regardless of their gender.
Asexual (or ace): People who are asexual or ace don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone and feel no desire to have sex.
Queer: The word queer is a term covering all non-straight sexualities. It was originally used as an insult, but now some people choose to call themselves queer because they don’t feel like other labels for sexuality fit them properly.
LGB: LGB stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual.
LGBT+: LGBT stands for ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, plus’. At Donegal Women’s Centre, we use the term LGBT+ to cover people who are not heterosexual and/or who are not cisgender. The ‘+’ ensures all gender identities and sexual orientations are included.
Cisgender: cisgender refers to someone for whom their gender and biological sex are the same.
Figuring Out Your Sexuality
Like with so many things in life, it can take a little time to explore your sexuality and make decisions about what you do and don’t like. Figuring out your sexuality can seem hard because we live in a world where a common, automatic assumption is that people are straight (heterosexual).
It can feel like you are just expected to be straight, and that being lesbian, gay, bisexual or anything else is somehow wrong. It’s not. It’s just who you are and there is a world of people out there who know exactly how that feels.
So take your time to figure out what you like and don’t like, and don’t worry if it takes you some time to understand it, or if what you feel changes from time to time. Your sexuality is unique to you. And remember that you can understand who you are and who you fancy, way before you want or are ready to have sex.
Many people feel very comfortable with who they are and are supported by friends and family without question. But not everyone feels this way or has this experience. You may feel like you have to pretend to feel things you don’t in order to fit in, and hide how you are feeling from your friends or family. This can actually be more stressful than coming out and will inevitably involve pretending or lying about who you really are. There is support available in Donegal in the LGBT Breakout Support service.
Support Available in Donegal
The Break Out LGBT support service, which is co-ordinated by the Donegal Youth Service, holds weekly drop-ins in Letterkenny and Buncrana each week. The Letterkenny group meet in DYS headquarters every Saturday from 2-4pm and there is also one in Buncrana in the Inishowen Development Partnership from 7-9pm every Tuesday.
This group is open to anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender who feel they want to be in a group where they are accepted or just need some extra support. The group is constantly busy whether it is creating awareness of the group through schools or youth groups or going on trips.
The group, which is funded by the HSE in association with Belong To LGBT youth service, is 100% youth led meaning participants are the ones who set the agenda for what happens. As Sinead explained to us if you feel you are not ready to join the bigger group at the beginning you can arrange to talk with her one to one also! I can assure you Sinead is the most understanding and caring person we have met and really understands what the issues are for someone who is coming to terms with their sexuality. You can call her on 0857411607 or you can message the Break Out page.
Sinead can meet with you privately if you just want someone to talk to, and is able to travel if required! If you come to the group she and the members of Breakout will go to all lengths to make you feel comfortable in your own skin and give you the confidence to feel at home. The group is a fun safe environment where you won’t be asked “what you are” or be judged!
The group knows that young LGBT people just want to be accepted and they understand the journey you are going through as they have went through it themselves and maybe some of them are still struggling. They cater for young people between 16-23 years old and even former members have now become new volunteers! If you have problems with just coming into the group why not bring a good friend you trust along – this has helped a number of participants who have come to the group at first!
Every year the Breakout participants also get involved in a number of campaigns to highlight LGBT youth issues, such as marching in Gay Pride events and also taking part and organising events for the very successful Belong To LGBT Stand UP week, which happens in March each year. The likes of their Chalk It Up events in Letterkenny and Buncrana have also provided opportunities for the wider public to show their support for LGBT young people.
We feel Breakout provides a vital support to those who may feel isolated in their schools and communities due to their sexuality and it is amazing to see the LGBT community in Donegal finally having an essential service here in the county.
Go to www.sham.ie (Sexual Health and More) for more information